PROVERBS 31:10-31 UPDATED

In approaching biblical passages involving women in order to get the Christian perspective on gender roles today, there is a huge culture divide to navigate across. We perhaps see this most prominently in some of Paul's teachings regarding the proper place for women, especially wives, in the home and in church services. In that case, even very traditionalist commentators realize that his teachings regarding modest modes of dress cannot be just handed down as fiats for all time. For example, it has been quite a while since I have seen any women in church wearing a hat.

So it is of interest to re-investigate the example of the ideal wife found at the end of the book of Proverbs. Some useful information regarding this acrostic poem is found in the post entitled “Proverbs 30:10-31.” However, I would like to bring this hymn of praise up to date, or at least see if it needs to be updated at all. But rather than jump right to the 21^st century, let us start back in the good old days before society began to fall apart entirely.

I am speaking of the 1950's, the Ozzie and Harriet era (look them up in Google if you don't know what I am talking about). The traditional nuclear family consisted of a working husband, a stay-at-home mother, and 2 ½ kids. In fact, my own family could have been the model for the Nelson family, except for that half-kid. If you have ever seen that TV show or Father Knows Best, for example, you will in fact note that the fathers had some places of nebulous employment that they were never at, although Ozzie did seem to spent most of his time talking to his neighbor or down at the Emporium, whatever that was, puttering around and visiting with his other friends. And Harriet may have done some housework and cooking, but whatever work it was, she managed to do it without wrinkling her pressed blouse or mussing up her perfectly pleated dress or her coiffure. Is that in fact the model that we see portrayed in Proverbs 31? In some ways yes, and in others no.

Regarding the husband's role in the marriage, Proverbs 31 actually doesn't say what he does to justify his existence. However, he is to be found down by the city gates shooting the bull with the other responsible men of the community. Sounds like this fits Ozzie to a tee. But it is doubtful that this is the biblical image any right-minded Christian would claim as today's biblical norm.

Next, let's compare the Virtuous Woman with Mrs. Nelson. In marked contrast to Harriet, she appears to be the CEO of a number of enterprises including viticulture and the selling of handcrafted garments. And although she has employees reporting to her, she refuses to delegate all of the mundane jobs to them. Instead, she personally does all the food shopping, spins thread and weaves it into clothing for her family and for sale in the market place. She works from before sunup to after sundown. Verse 27 understates the situation by saying, “She does not eat the bread of idleness.” I don't really think that Harriet could have kept up that hectic pace, at least not without losing her composure or breaking a sweat.

The Virtuous Woman is not a working wife who ignores the needs of her children either. She also manages to provide the spiritual and physical needs of her family, and they bless her for it. In addition to all of this, she manages to find time to devote to charitable activities. Harriet (at least the TV variety) is certainly a moral person and obviously loves her children, but I can't really picture her spending much time volunteering at church or at a soup kitchen.

So there appears to be a rather large disconnect between the biblical image of the perfect woman and that pictured in the “good old days.” And surprisingly, the direction of disconnect is not what one would have predicted since the biblical woman is a much more liberated one than traditionalists would seem to hold up as the ideal.

What about today's woman? Working wives are much more the norm than back in the 50's, and the portrait painted in Proverbs is not that different from today's practice. And if they are “stay-at-home” moms, they are certainly just as busy as as the Virtuous Woman, juggling carpools, soccer practice, parent-teacher meetings, etc.

One of the major differences today in marriage roles is that the men are usually more likely to share the household and parenting duties with the wife than they did in biblical times. And I hardly think that trend represents any sort of diminution in moral values.

So far, I see little need to update the biblical ideal of feminine roles found in Proverbs 31. But that does not include the various combinations and permutations found in today's marriages, including stay-at-home dads, single parents, cohabiting couples, married gays or lesbians, menage-a-trois arrangements, etc. None of these is addressed in Proverbs 30, even though certain of these situations are labeled as sinful in other portions of Scripture. But for male-female married couples, my own conclusion is that the ideal portrayed in Proverbs is still a good one to shoot for, at least in regard to the woman's role.

None of the above directly answers the question as to whether Christian egalitarians or complementarians are more correct in their understanding of how a marriage should operate. And that is probably just as well since each marriage is really unique. I feel that no single model should be touted as the only way a couple should relate to one another. That would be to put a straight-jacket on the God-given gifts that each party brings to the table when they join together in marriage.