"HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER" (EXODUS 20:12; DEUTERONOMY 5:16)

This is one of those commandments of God that appears to be self-obvious, even to those who are not Christians or Jews. However, the form that the honoring takes in some cultures is not at all what is being taught here. And the abuse in each case takes the form of some sort of honoring of dead forebears. In some Far Eastern religions, it means setting up an altar at which to burn offerings to or light candles in remembrance of dead parents. In some pagan African tribes offerings, sacrifices must be made to one's departed parents or their evil spirits will wreak havoc on your life. During the Middle Ages it was the practice of selling indulgences by the church to reduce the stay of a relative in Purgatory that raised the ire of the reformer Luther. And a similar practice in the Mormon church has given rise to the all-consuming passion among its followers to identify as many deceased relatives as they can find in order to be vicariously baptized on their behalf.

It is obvious that the above theologically dubious practices are not at all what God had in mind. The emphasis was squarely on how one treats one's parents while they are alive. But beyond that understanding, there is more that we can learn concerning this commandment.

Old Testament Context

One of the first steps in exegesis of a passage of Scripture such as Exodus 20:12 is to see if there are any parallel passages to which it can be compared. In this case, we are led naturally to the second pronouncement of the commandments by Moses in Deuteronomy 5:16. For the most part the two passages read identically. Thus, the whole command in Deuteronomy says, “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” The additions in italics are not found in the Exodus version. However, in the context of Deuteronomy 5, they help to tie in this command with the larger context relating to the Ten Commandments as a whole. To explain, the phrase “as the Lord your God commanded you” is also found earlier in Deuteronomy 5:12 and later in verses 32-33. And “that it may go well with you” appears in Deuteronomy 5:29,33.

Levinson explains the existence of the minor differences in wording in Deuteronomy by stating that “the ostensible precise repetition of the Decalogue here diverges from the original (Ex 20.12) by shifting to the perspective of Moses as speaker, whose annotation is now included in the revelation.”

The Promise

There is one specific clause in Exodus 20:12 that Carr notes is sometimes misunderstood, namely, the promise that your days may be long in the land. Quoting Carr: “Sometimes over-sensitive souls have queried the morality of a promise attached to a commandment. But the Hebrew does not necessarily imply that the promised blessing is our motive for keeping the commandment, while it certainly assures us that it will be the result.”

Another issue is the exact nature of the promise. Carr presents several optional ways in which it has been understood:

    1. In light of the fact that the Jews were largely uninformed regarding the possibility of the Afterlife, this phrase would probably have been understood as referring to a long life on earth, and therefore prolonged communion with God.

    2. Or it may have been taken as assurance of the nation dwelling for a long time in the land God had given to them, with the result of His great glorification for His blessings on them.

    3. Today Christians may spiritualize the meaning to refer to the way “our stated love to God is shown by the reality of our expressed love towards our fellow men (Je. 22:16).” This interpretation would fit in well with position of the sixth commandment in the list of ten (see below).

    4. Finally, due to the NT revelations regarding eternal life, we are free to apply this also to salvation and a future existence in the presence of God.

Importance of the Commandment

Thielman notes that the two-fold reference to 'Yahweh your God' in the fifth commandment connects it firmly to the previous four commandments since that phrase is missing in the subsequent commandments. Thus, “it governs the first and most basic of human relationships and so appropriately stands at the head of the final five commandments in the Decalogue, which govern relations between people. The fifth commandment therefore occupies a place of importance in the second half of the Decalogue equal to that of the first commandment in the first half.”

Another way of gauging the importance of this injunction is to see how it is specifically applied in the detailed regulations found further in Exodus:

    Exodus 21:15 – “Whomever strikes father or mother shall be put to death.”

    Exodus 21:17 – “Whoever curses father or mother shall be put to death.”

Carr explains this second passage by referring to Leviticus 20:9 and says, “The curse is understood to release an inexorable power (Num 22:6), thus making it as serious to curse parents as to strike them (v. 15). The verb can also mean 'humiliate' or 'treat with contempt,' the opposite of what is commanded in 20:12.”

Scope of the Commandment

This admonition appears twice in the NT in passages, the combination of which helps us to understand the total scope of the commandment as applying to young children who are still dependent on their parents all the way up to the time when it is the aging parents who are dependent on their adult children.

Mark 7:9-13 In these verses, Jesus lambasts the Pharisees for voiding the clear commands of God, such as to honor their parents, in favor of customs and traditions they had built up over the years. As an example, he reminds them that they follow the common practice in the centuries immediately preceding and following the time of Christ of declaring their belongings as qorban. That meant that it could no longer be used for any profane purpose. The common understanding of this practice was that items declared qorban were to be given to the Temple but that was not the extent of its scope.

Thus, William Lane points out that recent archeological finds indicate the following: “The vow creates a prohibition with regard to an object and fixes upon it the character of an offering dedicated to God. This did not necessarily mean that the object declared qorban had actually to be offered to God; it signified rather that it was withdrawn from its intended use and was no longer available for a particular individual 'as if it were an offering.'”

The practical implication of this tradition is further explained by Lane: “Should the son regret his action and seek to alleviate the harsh vow which would deprive his parents of all of the help they might normally expect from him, he would be told by the scribes to whose arbitration the case was submitted that his vow was valid and must be honored.”

Ephesians 6:1-3 In discussing the proper family relations which should exist, Paul introduces the Exodus command as follows: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' – this is the first commandment with a promise: 'so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.'” (NRSV)

There appears to be a contradiction in what Paul says since Exodus 20:6 also contains a promise of sorts. To this, R.P. Martin replies that “first is not a reference to numerical order but is used adverbially = 'a very important commandment' (cf. 1 Cor. 15:3 where the word is rendered 'of first importance').”

Several other points of interest are brought out by Hoehner:

    “[T]he term teknon ['children'] denotes a closer relationship to the parent than the word huios, 'son.' It implies a dependent relationship on the parent. In this context, Paul, no doubt, had in mind children old enough to understand and exercise their free will...The present imperative stresses that the obedience of children is an ongoing action.”

    The question arises concerning the phrase 'in the Lord.' Does it mean only parents who are Christians are to be obeyed? Hoehner states that “the prepositional phrase 'in the Lord' more likely qualifies the verb, thus emphasizing the children's ultimate obedience to the Lord...Hence the prepositional phrase does not define the limits of obedience, but rather it shows the spirit in which obedience is to be accomplished.”